What a Christmas

Christmas was a blast! We didn't do anything. No one came to our house we didn't go anywhere and it was wonderful. I wouldn't want this to be the norm but it was great not having to cook a huge meal or smile through gritted teeth at some members of the family. Abigail got up about 7:30 and wanted to check the reindeer food and yes the reindeers ate it all up. She then had to check the cookies she so diligently made with love. They were gone too. Then the big thing she asked for seemed like an impossible toy from Santa, but since Santa is an avid Ebay shopper her fantasy came true. She asked for a My Little Pony Nintendo DS with sparkles. Yeah no joke. Well, apparently you can order covers in just about anything your heart desires and it got here in a very timely fashion. It even has her name on it. We opened the fifty toys over the course of the day. I hate opening Barbies they have too many pieces and they are all attached with rubber-bands. My aunt out did herself this year and surprised us with a Wii. I wouldn't break down and buy one so.... We have had a blast. It really is worth all the hype. Abigail has caught on quickly and will soon out pass us on ability. Jackson thinks it's hilarious to watch us play. He has really been laughing so much more lately. We must look goofy to him. He had gained 1 pound. I was hoping for more but a gain is a gain and I will take it. Chris still has a week off so I am trying to come up with more projects. He isn't impressed. Chris' dad gave us money for Christmas and we decided to buy a wall of bookcases. Well I had no idea bookcases would be so hard to find or so expensive. Needless to say this debate is ongoing in our house. I am so cheap! I think he will wear me down but I'm trying to hang in there. He continues to remind me of my quest to have the house just the way I want it. He is very good at this. Part of the problem is there is a matching office computer desk. We have been wanting one for a while. We have had the Wal-Mart versions that break or are impossible to move without breaking. Anyway. I will let you know who wins this one. Love you all. Be safe Hope you enjoyed your holiday just as much as we did.

Feeling Better

So I didn't want to leave my last post as the most recent one. I am feeling better and just had a bad day. That will happen from time to time. I have thrown myself into my annual holiday baking I have made pan upon pan of fudge, hopscotch, and ginger snaps. I wish I could say I have refrained but....... All the presents have been wrapped and are under the new tree. Chris and Abigail will be out of school tom. for two weeks. Right now I am excited as I have many house plans. I will be 30 on the 23rd. Amazing I'm still standing and doing pretty good for 30. I am treating myself to a haircut in the morning. I hope I like it. It will be quite a change.

One Wish

I sit here with tears streaming down my face. Sometimes you can't escape what is. If I could have one wish it would be to heal my sweet baby boy. How is this the life God wants him to live. Another therapy has come and gone and still no miracle break through. Abigail acted up yet again, wanting the attention. I just can't help being sad at the necessity of therapists. I am definitely having a why me moment. Every day there is something to make me realize just how abnormal our life is. How much I want for Jackson and the doubts that creep in about his ability to ever do things. Just one wish. That's it. I need to somehow believe the possibility exists. Yes I realize I have to deal with what is and not rely on some miracle to change the situation. I am thankful for all the lessons I have learned but not today. I just want to hear him talk and see him run through the house. I want these things more than I've ever wanted anything. I want him to be all boy breaking things and putting toys in the toilet. At times the pain is just too much.

Sweet Caroline

Today was one I had spent weeks stressing over. I had an appointment with the at risk doctor. He has the really fancy equipment and we were to get the 20 week ultrasound done there. I don't think I would have been so stressed if this was not the same doctor who had the privilege of telling us things would be wrong with Jackson. I remember every detail of that appointment 20 months ago. I thought I was going to talk to him about pre-eclampsia and when I was going to deliver early, instead it became what would start the nightmare of fears for our baby boy. One of the things I told Chris this morning was as scared as I am I think if he is the one to tell me everything is fine I will finally relax and believe it. After two hours in the waiting room we were brought back to the same room the room. I was surprisingly calm, nervous but calm. Then we saw her-- she was sucking her fingers, then she yawned and started moving and kicking around. Every measurement was right on schedule. Our baby looked perfect. The dreaded doctor came in to take a look as well. He remembered every detail of Jackson and found a way to show me that all of those things were fine in Caroline. It was an amazing appointment. Our genetics counselor came in to watch the ultrasound too she has been through hell with us and cried with us. Now we got to cry tears of joy. I feel so great right now! Thanks for all the prayers you knew before I did things were fine.

Water for Christmas

Chris and I were just talking about Africa. There was a story on the news about how bad the water was and the amount of people dying from disease. As I was reading another blog she posted about this great organization that drills wells for water in Africa. For twenty dollars you buy one person water for twenty years. My water bill was sixty five dollars last month and I didn't think twice about what that means or how much I am paying for all the long hot baths I take. We have it good people. Consider helping out. You can click on the picture on my sidebar and it will give you all the details. Have a blessed day!

BUSY!!!!!

We have been doing serious clean out around here. This is by far the most nesting I have ever done. I had a guest room that doubled as my craft room. If you have ever witnessed this you know what I mean when I say I could have opened my own store. The stuff was piled high and the closet unable to reach or close that door. I should have taken a picture of all my shame but you will just have to imagine. That room had to be completely cleared out for Chris to paint over the Thanksgiving break. Sometimes being a teacher rocks.(He had the whole week off to work on the house) I threw away countless trash bags and bagged over 20 bags of stuff for goodwill. Abigail's new room is painted and she has been living in it about a week. We are getting new carpet for all the kids rooms on Wednesday, so the rooms are somewhat torn apart because they don't want anything on the floor but the big furniture. Last night Chris primed and painted Caroline's room white. My friend will be adding lots of color so we went back to plain white walls. I guess it took having that third child to make me really get in gear. I have complained about my house being so full for years now. I did most of the damage by my shopping. I think I have had an important break through in the last few weeks. I am finally doing something about my problem house. I thought when we bought a house with almost 3000 square feet we would never fill it. HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!! I am trying to take my anxiety about the baby (something I can't do anything about) and put that energy into the house (something I have the power to change) See the break through? I'm feeling really mature right now. Go Me! The only Christmas decoration I have out is the tree. I didn't think I could get away with not putting it up. I just don't want to add to the clutter.