Husband

Husband is home with me 24/7 for the entire summer.  Enough Said!  

MARGARITA TIME!

I love a good margarita.  A margarita has never failed to cure what ails me.  My friend just called and she will be over to pick me up for a drink.  There was no need for discussion.  It is understood  when one of us needs to get out of the house and refocus we just call.  I love my friends.  I have a very unique blend of friends and each one seems to serve a different purpose for different moods. In a few weeks the fam. will be going to Las Vegas to visit Grandma for two weeks.  I am really excited to run away for a while.  This is the one thing I will Thank George Bush for (Stimulus Check)  it is paying for us to fly to Vegas baby!  I have been told I have to go to Margaritaville.  You don't have to ask me twice! 

Shaken

I have been reading the blog of a little boy with trisomy 18 Jacob Fahmer.  Most babies with trisomy 18 are not born alive or only live a few hours.  This is what the doctors quietly didn't what to tell us they thought Jackson had.  I have been going to the blog everyday to hear how he is doing and what mischief he has gotten himself into.  It had become a part of my daily routine.  Last night the blog entry was news that he had passed away.  They got to spent 139 days with their miracle.  Reading other peoples' lives has created a sense of family for me.  I have cried for this family as if they were my neighbors or close friends.  For so long we weren't sure if Jackson would live and still have fear for his life.  I'm not sure just how close Jackson came to dying in those beginning days.  Today I mourn the loss of everyone who has lost a child, accident or illness doesn't change the sadness.  Please pray for this family and others like them.  They have had to endure so much. Please pray for peace for their family.  They have two other boys who deeply loved their brother.  I find myself hugging my children a little tighter today.  Enjoying every sound and sweet thing they do.  I want to memorize every detail.  Life is truly too short.  

My reason to Live

Hi

stand

Stand in the Rain   Superchick

She never slows down

She doesn't know why but she knows that when

She's all alone

Feels like its all

Coming down

She won't turn around

The shadows are long and she fears if she cries

The first tear

The tears will not stop

Raining down

So stand in the rain

Stand your ground

Stand up when its all crashing down

You stand in the pain

You won't drown

And one day what's lost can be found

You stand in the rain

She won't make a sound

Alone in this fight with herself

and the fears

Whispering

If she stands

She'll fall down

She wants to be found

The only way out is through everything

She's running from

Wants to give up

And lie down

So stand in the rain

Stand your ground

Stand up when its all crashing down

You stand through the pain

You won't drown 

And one day what's lost can be found

You stand in the rain

Ranting

I am a mess today.  I started bawling in front of the new physical therapist.  I hate for other people to see me cry.  I felt so pathetic.  She started asking me if I had a support group or a counselor I really don't want to admit I might need that.  I thought I didn't want to say anything to Abigail about Jackson's condition unless she asked.  Well she is asking and having a hard time with therapists coming to work with him.  I think it is that she isn't getting attention.  I told her he needs extra help learning things.  I don't know what else to say.  I don't want it to be real.  Saying it out loud saying it to her makes it real.  I want to pretend everything's fine.  I want to pretend it's normal that my 14 month old baby can't sit up.  

I don't want to be a mom today.  I want to lock myself in the bathroom and cry.  I want to throw a fit and scream why the hell me?  Why my baby?  I'm tired of having to work so damn hard just to sit up.  I'm tired of changing out his bedding because I left the feeding machine on and it went off automatically.  I'm tired period.  

Lubbock or Leave it

So we drove two hours on Friday after Chris got home from school so that Chris and Jackson could have a short stay in a new "hotel".  They only had to stay from 7:30pm to 12:00am.  Abigail and I did some shopping while we waited for them to complete their stay and then got a hotel room of our own.  The nurses packed in to see a baby.  Apparently Jackson hammed it up for them and was very intrigued with them.  I guess if you are used to seeing elderly people this was a great change. After picking them up at midnight we were all exhausted.  We spent Saturday driving around our old stomping ground.  I am always surprised at how much I miss Lubbock.  Then again those were the good days of going to class and having no job, no kids and nothing to worry about.  The town has grown so much!  We drove past our old town house it brought back a flood of memories.  We are truly blessed to have had such a good time early on in the relationship.  Thirty days from now Jackson will be on medicaid!!!!!